How to deal with my life...

I really dont know how to deal with my life anymore...it's been so screwed up n i've been soo unhappy but i dont even know how to change that...=(=(=( I just feel like i face everything by myself with nothing but tears and fake smiles every day...everything just suckssss......!!!!!!!!
Is my life meant to be like this or is it that im too useless till i dont even know how to make things and my life better?? Am i useless to other people too??? I dont know what others think bout me...I mind how people look at me...i cant change that...
I dont know..........I guess i need my life to change...but how...? Nobody can help me but myself...Im really really tired of this.........................................i have no strength to carry on my life already............

Nothing lasts forever…….

Don’t really know what to write after so long…just feel a bit upset today…i don’t really know what made me down…hah….im like that….so moody all the time…not many friends can stand me…no one can really understand me….some just walk away…
U know as time goes by,i feel like everything i have also is not permanent…Nothing lasts forever huh?Is it true???Like friends, they will leave someday…some even have forgotten bout me…but i just want u all to know-no matter what happen,i will never forget any of my friends…i will never forget those memories we had together… I might hurt my friends before in any way, but i really never meant to…i always long for your forgiveness.But it doesn’t seem u can forget bout it and forgive me…Is it that i made a mistake once,and im gonna pay for it-losing our friendship?
I dont know…i dont know what im talking bout anymore..losing myself already…i dont know who will really read my blogs, or some might think i always write bullshit. ha ha….so what…just wanna express my feelings….that’s all…….

Im breaking down……

This is the time im breaking down again…i guess im abnormal already…i guess i really need a doctor to heal me!!!! I feel really fragile and vulnerable these days…How much longer i wanna live in this way??? I really hate my life…I’ve been living a life that i dont want to…I’ve made a huge mistake in my life…!!!! I screwed up my life…………I dont know how to fix it again…Im a coward…im really useless…i dont know how to solve problems…i really dont know how…When i face difficulties, i just want to run away…im such a coward… Im really sick and tired of everything…Im gonna finish my studies in few months…But i dont even know if everything’s gonna be alright…
I screwed up everything…my studies has totally turned me into another person…i guess i could be much happier if i never chose this course…and i wouldn’t be like today - living a life that i dont want to…trying to hold on to this life every single day…hating myself…making ppl around me hate me(Coz im so hated…i guess maybe im too useless….)
Sometimes i even avoid talking to people when im down n upset…coz i dont wanna spoil other people’s mood…and also i dont wanna let people see me in that way!!!!! I hate it so much when im down n upset…i seriously hate it….but i just try my best to pretend like im happy everytime im sad…people will not understand…that im actually bleeding inside…that im screaming inside…that i hate myself so much inside!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
New year…New resolution huh? I dont have any…I just want to end this screwed up life soon!!!!!!!!!!!!! All i want is to be HAPPY…………………………
Will my wish come true??????????????????????????????