Numb....speechless... sad..... n feel sorry.....

I had a real bad day today.... feel so sad.... screwed things up in my work..... tried hard but everythin was in vain ...and everyone put the blame on me.. reli feel soooo frustrated and disappointed... sometimes dun even know if im too stupid... i just feel so upset coz nothing ever goes my way all this while.. lots of bad things happened to me... im reli reli such an unlucky gal.....!!! y....?????? y those unhappy things keep on happening on me????????????? cant they go away from me???? leading such a tough and dull life that i already feel sooo numb bout it....just keep on hanging to it....i dunno till when i can endure this pain..

Another thing is that today is my best fren's birthday.. and i didnt even have the time to do anythin for her (atleast get her a present...) coz been so busy and lotsa things on mind lately....damn......................and i was behaving so weird and sad somemore today......feel so sorry.......will make it up to u in future sweetie... sorry... here I wanna wish u a very happy birthday....Hope u stay happy all the time, luck and happiness always with u.......

Actually im sick of whining and complaining on my life.... speechless already... dunno when the bliss will come to me..........................Sometimes I'm wondering how would it be like if i havent had chosen this path in my life... Would it be the same or would I be much happier? I know I could have been a happy gal just like any other gals if all those bad things didnt happen to me... but it keeps coming.... i have no idea y is this so.... sigh........

I just wanna be alone when im down... altho i so feel like talking to someone when im reli down... but im just too scared that my bad emotion will affect my frens..... i dun wanna bother others... i dun want them to see the way i look like when im real down... i reli HATE it.... how i wish i could be happy all the time.....and can talk and laugh sooo freely,loudly and easily............

Inner side of me......dark & insecure

I'm standing on the bridge
I'm waiting in the dark
I thought that you'd be here by now

There's nothing but the rain
No footsteps on the ground
I'm listening, but there's no sound

Isn't anyone trying to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home
It's a damn cold night
Trying figure out this life
Won't you, take me by the hand, take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are but I, I\'m with you
I'm with you

I'm looking for a place
I'm searching for a face
Is anybody here I know
Cos nothing's going right and
Everythings a mess
And no-one likes to be alone

Isn't anyone trying to find me?
Won't somebody take me home
It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won't you, take me by the hand, take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are but I, I'm with you
I'm with you

Oh, why is everything so confusing
Maybe i'm just out of my mind

It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won't you, take me by the hand, take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are but I, I'm with you
I'm with you

Take me by the hand, take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are but I, I'm with you

I'm with you

Take me by the hand, take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are but I, I'm with you......

Arrrgggghhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

feel so suffocated and unhappy again lately. sick of being all by myself. 6.10am. still cant sleep. sleepin alone in the whole house makes me think alot. keep watchin series to make myself not to think bout anythin. well, drama finished. tried to make myself to fall asleep still cant. hah... cant help cryin at this moment. yea, i always do this - cry myself to sleep at nite lately. yea, im jz too useless. i jz hate all these feelings....!!!!! im scared of being all alone which will make me think alot. my life still sucks like it used to. when i reli feel like confide in someone...i can't even think of who i can call!!!! the frens i used to hav... i dun even know if they stil remember me and care bout me now. . Sometimes i wonder if anythin happen to me also nobody would know... yea, im jz living in my own world. u think i like this???!!! I HATE this alot u know!!!!!!!! what u see can be deceiving, maybe its my bad luck... i cant make ppl around me happy coz im not even a happy person. i still always pretend that im happy in front of ppl but im sick of that... Can i not having to pretend anymore n be reli happy....? Work sucks... my life sucks.. (altho i always believe i can make it beautiful one someday..but when??? ) I'm done with this!!! arggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! Pls set me free n give me back happiness!!!!

Just wanna be happy....

God....so so so so tired lately......same old boring life every day ...my mind, my body just can't take it anymore!!! sometimes just dunno how to carry on my life already....damn sick!!!!! What kind of life am i living??? This is sooo abnormal and i know i gotta change it.....i've been tellin myself this for so many years but why can't i?????? I don't deserve a good life huh????

Life's so unfair to me...i've been longing for happiness for many years but see...what do i get now? This is definitely not me........!!!! I hate lookin at myself in the mirror now!!!!!! I really really don't wanna be like this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO??????????????????? Pls give me some guidance...

I'm sick of being sad already every day!!!!!!!!!!! ALL THESE YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lifeless......

Wat's the meaning livin in this world if u have no idea wat this life is for...

Wat's the meaning livin like this every single day if u dun even know wat u r doing...

Wat is rite and wat is wrong....all is so confusing...

Wat's the meaning living in this world if ur all alone and no one cares bout u...

It's so pointless trying to pretend to be a happy gal already....im tired....

This life means nothing to me anymore as every morning i wake up also i feel like it's the end of the world and i dunno how to go on with the rest of the day...so scared of waking up....wanna sleep forever.......!!!!!!

Am i abnormal? i just thought the darkness of my life would have ended by now but it dooes't seem to be that way...

I know...it's hard to understand for u coz ur not me...u will not understand how i feel all this while.......no.........coz u never experience.........guess i was meant to be such a pathetic gal livin a pathetic life!!!

I can't breathe....................wat should i do?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tired of everything.....!!!

I thought im doing much better than b4...I thought i've just started a new life, my life would be better and i would be happier. Maybe that's just not gonna happen. Although i seem happier lately, sometimes i get very moody and down suddenly...

And when im down, i always think of my past...lotsa sad memories...i thought i would forget all those memories after i started a new life....yeah, maybe for a while....but it gets back to me after some time. I realize that i cant let go...am i meant to be a sad person? Even though i try so hard to make myself look so happy in front of ppl..but im really tired already...
Really tired of pretending...when can i be myself and find the bliss??!!

Tired of being hurt....tired of all the lies....tired of this life...tired of being alone...tired of everything!!!!!!!!

Damn back luck....!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I really cant believe this is happening again....My handphone and wallet were stolen in the exam hall today. i cant believe it!!!!! I lost my handphone 5 times already since i had my first handphone!!!!!!!! All also have been stolen...i cant believe how clumsy and stupid i am...im not really upset bout the lost of my handphone actually, i thought of changing my phone anyway...i just feel soooo frustrated....what's wrong with me????what's wrong with the world??? Why am i sooo damn bad luck everytime??????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!! And i feel soooo scared....coz i always lost my valueble things in my classroom and campus...i really feel so scared,insecure and paranoid.....who would do such thing to me????? why am i always the target??????????(im just so afraid that it could be someone i know and trust...i really hope its not...) why this thing always happen to me???????WHY ME????????WHY ALWAYS ME?????????????????when will it end????????? i cant help thinking bout it.....Im fedup......really fedup........................i dont think i can forgive myself again....im really stupid....im feel so scared now...i really hope what im thinking is not true...now i really lost my faith already.............Im so vulnerable now.....really too much things lately which break me down........i really feel like giving up everything.....im so sick................

Moody...

Moody day again...I think all these things are going to come to the end soon....very soon...after this, im gonna start a new life..i reli hope it will be a good one..i really wanna end all these miseries and sufferings..but i gotta hold on to it now..i feel suffocated all the time...even though i act as if im ok...no!!!! actually IM NOT OK!!!!!!! I think im going crazy at times...i need someone to listen to me...but i just dont know how to tell my problems...i reli envy others who have a good life and have people who really care bout them...i just feel so empty...i dont always express my sadness coz i hate it when people see me sad and i think i'll spoil people's mood.. but..i really feel suffocated...i dont know who can actually understand my feelings..no one...no one...
Hmm..i dont know if i'll still write blogs in the future..i hope i'll write happy things in the future..no more sorrow....yeah.....
To all my friends who care bout me...thank u so much for reading my blogs and getting inside my world...now that u know me...huh.... i appreacite those who care bout me...and believe me...i will NEVER EVER forget any of my friends ok...even though i seldom keep in touch with some...i have reasons for that...and u know im just that kind of girl who feels so hard to express my feelings...
I can't forget my past...memories...u know...it's really really hard to let go........ haih........just hope things will go my way......

How to deal with my life...

I really dont know how to deal with my life anymore...it's been so screwed up n i've been soo unhappy but i dont even know how to change that...=(=(=( I just feel like i face everything by myself with nothing but tears and fake smiles every day...everything just suckssss......!!!!!!!!
Is my life meant to be like this or is it that im too useless till i dont even know how to make things and my life better?? Am i useless to other people too??? I dont know what others think bout me...I mind how people look at me...i cant change that...
I dont know..........I guess i need my life to change...but how...? Nobody can help me but myself...Im really really tired of this.........................................i have no strength to carry on my life already............

Nothing lasts forever…….

Don’t really know what to write after so long…just feel a bit upset today…i don’t really know what made me down…hah….im like that….so moody all the time…not many friends can stand me…no one can really understand me….some just walk away…
U know as time goes by,i feel like everything i have also is not permanent…Nothing lasts forever huh?Is it true???Like friends, they will leave someday…some even have forgotten bout me…but i just want u all to know-no matter what happen,i will never forget any of my friends…i will never forget those memories we had together… I might hurt my friends before in any way, but i really never meant to…i always long for your forgiveness.But it doesn’t seem u can forget bout it and forgive me…Is it that i made a mistake once,and im gonna pay for it-losing our friendship?
I dont know…i dont know what im talking bout anymore..losing myself already…i dont know who will really read my blogs, or some might think i always write bullshit. ha ha….so what…just wanna express my feelings….that’s all…….