On the edge of breaking down....

Again...Im sorry...i've tried hard to be positive but i just can't do it... it's getting serious these days... i feel really suffocated sometimes and tears are my company almost every day... i just cant help but breaking down.... these days i've been thinking what are the reasons for me to live in this world... and i cant find a single reason for me to carry on this life... i really feel like dying at times....since i've been so suffering and unhappy living like this, why do i still have to carry on this life....?

I know whoever reading this blog still are very concerned of me... but im sorry.. im too useless...im too weak... im not strong enough to live like this.....im reli reli tired already.....nowadays i only know how to shed my tears but dunno how to change my life and be happy again.... it's just too hard for me to do it alone, i feel so numb..... Gosh........these days i feel so hard to breathe or do anything at all.... it's like the end of the world to me.. i cant see my future...i can only see darkness right now.......... i seriously hate this!!!!!!!!!! i seriously hate the way i am right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I really really don't know what I should do now........ can anybody tell me??? I need someone to come save me .... I dont wanna become like this....i just wanna be a normal girl.... living a normal life.... hanging out and chit-chatting with friends and laughing from the bottom of heart.... like i used to........

I'm soo tied down with my life i guess.... i've lost so much things and i cant even find them back now..... it's really really frustrating....

FRIENDS.... I NEED YOU.....I REALLY REALLY NEED YOU TO BE BY MY SIDE....i dun wanna be alone....i need your support to help me carry on this life.... it's just such a fragile and vulnerable period for me, it's not that i've become so ignorant.. being silent doesn't mean that i don't care...i do....i still do............

Just....no matter how i've changed, PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME.......k? I'm really so scared of losing u all.....really............

I don't deserve to be happy?

Happy moment never lasts long... suddenly feel so down again today... plus was not reli feeling well ...coz of stomachache and my legs very pain.... dunno why, probably coz of walking too much. I didnt even feel like I had the energy to walk back home after work .. im sick and tired of walking like this every day.. gosh u wouldnt know how hard it feels especially when u r already so tired..

Everytime when im walking on the road, i feel reli scared to even look at those cars and the people inside coz i just feel like they are looking at me with that kind of pity expression in their eyes which tell me that they are thinking how pathetic i am! or they might look down on this girl who walks all the time and cant even afford to drive a car!!!! im just so so so scared of these kind of feelings.....! i just hate myself that i dont even have the courage to start to do something bout it.. i mean like buying a car and learn how to drive.... how can i do it all BY MYSELF????NO!!! i never can!!!! I feel so discouraged and i will never dare to do anything by myself... you dont know how clumsy and careless i am... Maybe i have to admit that im too useless...... and im such a coward......

Sometimes i just feel like there's nothing in this world for me to feel happy and makes me feel like it’s worthwhile for me to live in this world… I just cant find that STRENGTH and ENERGY to carry on….

Although I still got many friends to care bout me, I still feel my world is very empty and dark… coz they provide me moral support.. thru sms or msges on facebook.. yeah.. it does make me happy and warmed…but its just temporary… I have to always be all by myself… in EVERYTHING… and whenever im alone, I just cant help but start to think a lot … I cant afford to live like this anymore… it’s really killing me…

Haih……why my life is sooo hard compared to other gals? Why I don’t deserve a good life and also people who will always be there for me?

It's just another day...moody day...

Not happy again. . reli feel so bored.. tried to sleep early but was awaken by someone again.. then cant fall asleep already. haiz.... reli hate to stay awake which will make me think alot of things... how i wish i could sleep as much as possible every day.. too bad i always have sleeping problem... =( wake up again and will think back of all the problems.. all the things that make me sad... feel so unsure bout this life... my direction.. friends... love... and all.. everything just fell apart.. now i seriously believe that nothing lasts forever... even close friends r not close anymore... dislike each other.. maybe.. sometimes just feel like i dun even know the one i used to care bout anymore.. no, maybe i never know her.. how sad it is to become strangers now... Does true friendship really exist in this world? or people are just using each other..?im reli uncertain bout this.. sigh............

Im just really moody.. feel so alone in this world.. no true friends.. no special one to love me.. i just dunno what's wrong with me...... someone just told me today that i have to take initiative to get more friends.. or maybe more guy friends.. my world is too too small... i dont reli have many friends in KL... but i just cant do it.. im such a coward... i never dare to talk to the ones i have feelings for.. or even guys... i become more and more introverted day by day.. the past few days were still ok for me.. sometimes i feel like i have friends to care about me,which make me feel so warmed.. but sometimes i feel soo alone when im reli alone... i tend to think alot that time...

Sometimes i reli miss the life back in Genting.. atleast i got to know a few of very very good frens there.. and our frenship lasts until now even thou we hardly even meet.. they still care bout me.. i reli feel grateful and touched.. but i just feel sad coz we cant always hang out and chat often. .

Working life in KL sucks... i just hate it... the long working hours...the shift ( i seriously hate to get up sooo early, i'd rather work evening or night shift..).. the long distance to the company.. have to walk such a long distance every day... which sometimes i feel reli reli tired and cant take it anymore.. and this reli spoilts my mood.... and sometimes still have to walk alone at nite.. i reli hate that and im scared to walk alone in the dark... not many ppl can understand how it feels like.. I reli reli reli wanna enjoy life just like other youngsters too........ im still young but y do i live a life like old woman now...........!! how ironic.... i wanna go hang out with friends.. i wanna go yamcha with friends.. i wanna go for movies with friends... altho single but we can still enjoy our lives, rite?? but y everythin just seems so hard to me???????????????

Lastime i tot of leaving this place, leaving the place i work, leaving everythin...and start all over again.. but i dunno if things will be better after that.. and i just feel so discouraged to handle all the things by myself.. nobody is there for me.. so i gave up..... Im reli reli numb now.. i dunno what i should do to make my life better... its always easier said than done... i always try to pretend to be happy but when only i can reli smile from the bottom of my heart?

Im so tired......

start to doubt bout myself..

feeling so down again.... i dun know y...real bad mood... feel myself so ugly n fat lately somemore! all these made me feel so not confident bout myself and everyhing... i hate the way i look now seriously! feel like hiding somewhere and nobody can c me.....!

the quizzes on facebook are right....im meant to be all by myself huh....?nobody is gonna like me.....! i will be all alone........ y??? coz im ugly?????y u wanna treat me like this?? i never hurt anyone and treat ppl nice... but this is what i get........argggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate this life............! i wanna leave this place that doesn't belong to me as soon as possible!!!!!!!!!

Numb....speechless... sad..... n feel sorry.....

I had a real bad day today.... feel so sad.... screwed things up in my work..... tried hard but everythin was in vain ...and everyone put the blame on me.. reli feel soooo frustrated and disappointed... sometimes dun even know if im too stupid... i just feel so upset coz nothing ever goes my way all this while.. lots of bad things happened to me... im reli reli such an unlucky gal.....!!! y....?????? y those unhappy things keep on happening on me????????????? cant they go away from me???? leading such a tough and dull life that i already feel sooo numb bout it....just keep on hanging to it....i dunno till when i can endure this pain..

Another thing is that today is my best fren's birthday.. and i didnt even have the time to do anythin for her (atleast get her a present...) coz been so busy and lotsa things on mind lately....damn......................and i was behaving so weird and sad somemore today......feel so sorry.......will make it up to u in future sweetie... sorry... here I wanna wish u a very happy birthday....Hope u stay happy all the time, luck and happiness always with u.......

Actually im sick of whining and complaining on my life.... speechless already... dunno when the bliss will come to me..........................Sometimes I'm wondering how would it be like if i havent had chosen this path in my life... Would it be the same or would I be much happier? I know I could have been a happy gal just like any other gals if all those bad things didnt happen to me... but it keeps coming.... i have no idea y is this so.... sigh........

I just wanna be alone when im down... altho i so feel like talking to someone when im reli down... but im just too scared that my bad emotion will affect my frens..... i dun wanna bother others... i dun want them to see the way i look like when im real down... i reli HATE it.... how i wish i could be happy all the time.....and can talk and laugh sooo freely,loudly and easily............

Inner side of me......dark & insecure

I'm standing on the bridge
I'm waiting in the dark
I thought that you'd be here by now

There's nothing but the rain
No footsteps on the ground
I'm listening, but there's no sound

Isn't anyone trying to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home
It's a damn cold night
Trying figure out this life
Won't you, take me by the hand, take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are but I, I\'m with you
I'm with you

I'm looking for a place
I'm searching for a face
Is anybody here I know
Cos nothing's going right and
Everythings a mess
And no-one likes to be alone

Isn't anyone trying to find me?
Won't somebody take me home
It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won't you, take me by the hand, take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are but I, I'm with you
I'm with you

Oh, why is everything so confusing
Maybe i'm just out of my mind

It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won't you, take me by the hand, take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are but I, I'm with you
I'm with you

Take me by the hand, take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are but I, I'm with you

I'm with you

Take me by the hand, take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are but I, I'm with you......

Arrrgggghhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

feel so suffocated and unhappy again lately. sick of being all by myself. 6.10am. still cant sleep. sleepin alone in the whole house makes me think alot. keep watchin series to make myself not to think bout anythin. well, drama finished. tried to make myself to fall asleep still cant. hah... cant help cryin at this moment. yea, i always do this - cry myself to sleep at nite lately. yea, im jz too useless. i jz hate all these feelings....!!!!! im scared of being all alone which will make me think alot. my life still sucks like it used to. when i reli feel like confide in someone...i can't even think of who i can call!!!! the frens i used to hav... i dun even know if they stil remember me and care bout me now. . Sometimes i wonder if anythin happen to me also nobody would know... yea, im jz living in my own world. u think i like this???!!! I HATE this alot u know!!!!!!!! what u see can be deceiving, maybe its my bad luck... i cant make ppl around me happy coz im not even a happy person. i still always pretend that im happy in front of ppl but im sick of that... Can i not having to pretend anymore n be reli happy....? Work sucks... my life sucks.. (altho i always believe i can make it beautiful one someday..but when??? ) I'm done with this!!! arggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! Pls set me free n give me back happiness!!!!

Just wanna be happy....

God....so so so so tired lately......same old boring life every day ...my mind, my body just can't take it anymore!!! sometimes just dunno how to carry on my life already....damn sick!!!!! What kind of life am i living??? This is sooo abnormal and i know i gotta change it.....i've been tellin myself this for so many years but why can't i?????? I don't deserve a good life huh????

Life's so unfair to me...i've been longing for happiness for many years but see...what do i get now? This is definitely not me........!!!! I hate lookin at myself in the mirror now!!!!!! I really really don't wanna be like this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO??????????????????? Pls give me some guidance...

I'm sick of being sad already every day!!!!!!!!!!! ALL THESE YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lifeless......

Wat's the meaning livin in this world if u have no idea wat this life is for...

Wat's the meaning livin like this every single day if u dun even know wat u r doing...

Wat is rite and wat is wrong....all is so confusing...

Wat's the meaning living in this world if ur all alone and no one cares bout u...

It's so pointless trying to pretend to be a happy gal already....im tired....

This life means nothing to me anymore as every morning i wake up also i feel like it's the end of the world and i dunno how to go on with the rest of the day...so scared of waking up....wanna sleep forever.......!!!!!!

Am i abnormal? i just thought the darkness of my life would have ended by now but it dooes't seem to be that way...

I know...it's hard to understand for u coz ur not me...u will not understand how i feel all this while.......no.........coz u never experience.........guess i was meant to be such a pathetic gal livin a pathetic life!!!

I can't breathe....................wat should i do?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tired of everything.....!!!

I thought im doing much better than b4...I thought i've just started a new life, my life would be better and i would be happier. Maybe that's just not gonna happen. Although i seem happier lately, sometimes i get very moody and down suddenly...

And when im down, i always think of my past...lotsa sad memories...i thought i would forget all those memories after i started a new life....yeah, maybe for a while....but it gets back to me after some time. I realize that i cant let go...am i meant to be a sad person? Even though i try so hard to make myself look so happy in front of ppl..but im really tired already...
Really tired of pretending...when can i be myself and find the bliss??!!

Tired of being hurt....tired of all the lies....tired of this life...tired of being alone...tired of everything!!!!!!!!