I don't deserve to be happy?

Happy moment never lasts long... suddenly feel so down again today... plus was not reli feeling well ...coz of stomachache and my legs very pain.... dunno why, probably coz of walking too much. I didnt even feel like I had the energy to walk back home after work .. im sick and tired of walking like this every day.. gosh u wouldnt know how hard it feels especially when u r already so tired..

Everytime when im walking on the road, i feel reli scared to even look at those cars and the people inside coz i just feel like they are looking at me with that kind of pity expression in their eyes which tell me that they are thinking how pathetic i am! or they might look down on this girl who walks all the time and cant even afford to drive a car!!!! im just so so so scared of these kind of feelings.....! i just hate myself that i dont even have the courage to start to do something bout it.. i mean like buying a car and learn how to drive.... how can i do it all BY MYSELF????NO!!! i never can!!!! I feel so discouraged and i will never dare to do anything by myself... you dont know how clumsy and careless i am... Maybe i have to admit that im too useless...... and im such a coward......

Sometimes i just feel like there's nothing in this world for me to feel happy and makes me feel like it’s worthwhile for me to live in this world… I just cant find that STRENGTH and ENERGY to carry on….

Although I still got many friends to care bout me, I still feel my world is very empty and dark… coz they provide me moral support.. thru sms or msges on facebook.. yeah.. it does make me happy and warmed…but its just temporary… I have to always be all by myself… in EVERYTHING… and whenever im alone, I just cant help but start to think a lot … I cant afford to live like this anymore… it’s really killing me…

Haih……why my life is sooo hard compared to other gals? Why I don’t deserve a good life and also people who will always be there for me?